Today’s Just Be thought

Today’s thought is on kindness. Being “kind” is not being a “pushover”. It may seem like they are the same to someone who takes advantage of another, but they are really two different things.

When we are kind, truly kind as in considering another’s situation when making a decision, we actively seek changes that benefit us all. A pushover acts out of fear.

I can say from personal experience that fear in a relationship is never a good thing. The end result of these types of interactions may yield the same result, but the purpose behind them is much different.

Ultimately, the assertive kind person will positively influence others in ways that a fearful pushover cannot.

An fearful pushover person will likely say, “yes I will help you” and fume afterwards. No one really benefits from that.

An assertive kind person will likely say, “yes I will help you with that” so, but will take it to the next level by adding, “and next time, let’s work on [this] and [that] so you can do it on your own”.

By assertively and mindfully (and kindfully) sharing expectations for change, all benefit. Maybe not immediately. But a habit of this will ultimately yield results.

Here’s more info from a post that caused me to think about this:

https://www.garyvaynerchuk.com/why-nice-guys-finish-last-is-just-not-true/

I remember crying when I got under 600 days

Today’s Just Be thought

This one is on leadership. We are coming into the voting season that gets the most attention of any every four years.

But we must remember we aren’t voting for leaders.

We are voting to get representatives who will act on our household’s behalf.

We are the leaders.

Specifically, you are the leader.

You lead your own heart and head. You work with Chase to manage the direction of your home.

We can’t expect the gov’t to lead our home life and direction. That’s us to manage.

So what does a leader need to do?

Love.

Love others. Love opportunities for growth. Love life itself, with all its surprises, good and bad and in between.

Love the idea that we can control what no other person in the world can control: our mind and our viewpoint of our experiences.

This video is about 15 mins and explains the best of leadership.

If we choose it lead our own heads and hearts, then we can truly make expectations of those we’ve voted into positions or power.

And if we don’t like the voting outcome? We seize that opportunity and take it one day at a time as we lead our families.

The Leadership SECRETS of Marcus Aurelius | Ryan …:

Today’s Just Be thought

Today’s thought is on doing the right thing even if doing that costs us.

I am not always successful in this. But I am successful at times and am so glad I am.

Specifically speaking, I am reminded of the debt obligation I am to be freed from at the beginning of next month.

I had a chat with my attorney back in 2009. “What would happen,” I asked, “if I chose not to pay the alimony I agreed to pay?”

The attorney didn’t hesitate. “Well, I can’t advise you to stop paying that alimony.”

I pressed on, “I know. And I would never ask you to help me do that. I’m asking what would likely happen if I simply stopped paying.”

He thought, and said, “She could take you to court, and she’d win.”

I kept on. “And what would happen as a result?”

The attorney asked, “Do you have any investment property or additional vehicles? Any jewelery or items of sizeable value? Any boats?”

I replied, “No, but I may be buying my Dad’s home.”

The attorney thought. “She wouldn’t get much. Texas says the home you live in and the vehicle you use to get to work can’t be taken from you in civil court. You’d be liable for her attorney and court fees.”

So in essence, I would be on the hook for a few hundred dollars, maybe a grand at most if I chose to not honor my agreement. I’d have to be very careful not to let slip my current state of affairs as she could continue to take me back to court as she saw fit.

I was sorely tempted to take that route.

At the time I had that conversation with my attorney, there was no end date to the alimony payments. I knew I’d be facing the same I sane amount after I retired as the day I agreed on the terms.

But that wasn’t the right thing to do.

I chose instead to stay the course and see what came up.

It wasn’t too long after that when suddenly out of the blue, your Mom offered an end date if I could meet certain conditions.

Was her inspiration a result of my decision to do the right thing? Hard to say.

But I’m glad I chose the path I took.

I’m free in a week or so. Completely free.

I don’t have to look over my shoulder. I don’t have to ask you kids not to say anything about my housing and income situation to her.

I can breathe easily knowing I did what I was asked to do and I did it to the best of my ability.

When I thought of my options in the past, I considered what life might be like for future me. I’m glad past me was a nice guy.

Here’s a video that spurred my thought today:

I may copy and post those Just Be thoughts on my blog monkeyinfinitum.com. I haven’t stopped to write anything there in a long time

Today’s Just Be thought

This is on the value of doing a good thing just for the sake of doing the thing.

When we do something good for another person, either by accident or by choice, it’s best to stop thinking beyond that. We can reflect on how the impact helped another and can certainly consider ways we could have done it better. Certainly we should consider whether what we thought was good for another really was good or if it actually caused trouble down the line.

But expecting praise or thanks in return for doing good is not something to dwell upon. It’s certainly not something to get upset about if the praise never comes.

It’s certainly worthwhile to help another person, especially those we are guiding – like our kids – to be thankful to others and to show their gratitude. That will help them be welcome anywhere as they graciously value help that others have provided.

But in helping others, if we are put off by the lack of thankfulness shown, we miss the point of adding good into this world.

Doing a good deed is both the journey and the end. That’s the first thing. If another benefits, that’s great! That’s the second thing.

We enjoy life much more fully if we stop at the two things and never expect the third thing.

Here’s a short article on this

You Do Not Need This

Today’s Just Be thought

This one is on mindfulness and how paying proper attention to a task brings it into one’s right frame of mind.

First, the quote, and then my thoughts behind it.

“The feeling that any task is a nuisance will soon disappear if it is done in mindfulness.”

Thích Nhất Hạnh

That is so true. I have mastered the art of waiting and doing the dull needed things because of this concept.

That doesn’t mean I’m a pushover and will weakly not do anything until someone tells me to do a thing.

This means I choose to do a thing, or wait to do a thing, with the exact intent of doing so for a purpose that I feel is important. Sounds weird to hear someone say they are actively not doing something but that’s a real thing.

Same goes for the dull, ugh chores that no one wants to do.

A sub-story in the story of Tom Sawyer is about how Tom tricks his friends into doing his chore of whitewashing a fence – and to pay HIM to do it – by showing how much fun the task was.

The writer, Mark Twain, was a brilliant man who knew people’s thoughts and motivations well.

It’s not a “fake it until you make it” mentality that works here. It’s looking for the joy that comes with the dull and meh tasks. That’s a blessing when you get to see these on demand!