Grandboy: I’m the king of this land Me: Ah I see. How do you treat your people?
\nGrandboy: I am STRONG. If they don’t do what I say I lock them UP. Maybe forever. And punish them.
\nMe: That sounds like a bad king. I’ll have to stop you if you start doing that.
\nGrandboy: How you going to stop me, gwumpa? I have a million armies, no, a BILLION armies and you have just…
\nMe (looks at him and raises an eyebrow)
\nGrandboy: Or I can just FIRE them. (points to an invisible peasant) You’re FIRED!
\n—-
\nThe best battle is won before a shot takes place.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grandboy: I’m the king of this land Me: Ah I see. How do you treat your people? Grandboy: I…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-g6","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1085,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/05\/06\/absolute-power\/","url_meta":{"origin":998,"position":0},"title":"Absolute Power","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (ankle deep in mud, water hose spraying a rainbow into the air): BWAHAHAHAHA Me: ... Grandboy (kicking a toy car out of the deep mudhole he created from the hose spray): AND THAT MY FRIEND IS THAT Me:... Grandboy (aiming the hose along the cement patio, splattering mud everywhere)\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1422,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/01\/11\/the-best-grandpa-ever\/","url_meta":{"origin":998,"position":1},"title":"The best grandpa EVER","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"January 11, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: \"...boss baby.\" Me: Would you like to be a boss baby? Grandboy: No. Me: Why not? Grandboy: Why do you always ask me things? AAUGH that's like me asking me your deepest darkest secret. Me: Ok. Grandboy: So... What IS your deepest darkest secret? Me: That I have a\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":954,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/06\/06\/sturdy-trees-under-construction-here\/","url_meta":{"origin":998,"position":2},"title":"Sturdy trees under construction here","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Pointing is rude. Gwumpa, doing THIS (points his finger in my face) is bad. Me: Yes, it is. How did you learn that? Grandboy: At school. If you point like this (points to the wall, now that I've redirected his arm) and say, \"Na na na na na\" (wiggling\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":948,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/05\/13\/a-couple-of-honkeys\/","url_meta":{"origin":998,"position":3},"title":"A couple of honkeys","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 13, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (honking a bicycle horn repeatedly in the house): GWUMPA STOP (HONK) ME I CAN'T STOP (HONK) HONKING THIS (HONK) HORN!!! Me: You can stop yourself. Grandboy: NO I (HONK) CAN'T YOU HAVE (HONK) TO STOP ME Me: Nope. You have to figure it out on your own. Someday I\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":554,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/07\/15\/breaking-bad-well-breaking-chairs-at-least\/","url_meta":{"origin":998,"position":4},"title":"Breaking Bad. Well, breaking chairs, at least.","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 15, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Me, to the grandboy: \"Ok, let's leave the pup out of your room tonight. He needs to guard the rest of the house.\" Grandboy: \"Awwwwee gwumpa he needs to sleep in here with me.\" Me: \"No, you'll be fine. He'll keep bad guys from coming through the front or back\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1462,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/09\/26\/irish-wristwatch\/","url_meta":{"origin":998,"position":5},"title":"Irish wristwatch","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: Say the word \"wristwatch\" Grandboy: Wristwatch. Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again Grandboy (repeats it) Me: Ok. Now say the word, \"Irish\" Grandboy: Irish. Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again Grandboy (repeats it) Me: Good. Grandboy: Why did you want me to say\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/998","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=998"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/998\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":999,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/998\/revisions\/999"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=998"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=998"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=998"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}