Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound)
\nMe: OI HEY OI STOP THAT
\nGrandboy: I can’t help it Gwumpa
\nMe: How ’bout, instead of screaming, you sing something. I’d like that better. So would everyone else.
\nGrandboy: Ok Gwumpa
\n(later)
\nGrandboy (singing, screechily) HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR…?
\n—-
\nScreamo Lionel Richie. Awesome.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound) Me: OI HEY OI STOP THAT Grandboy: I can’t help it Gwumpa Me:…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-g4","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1077,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/free-cookies\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":0},"title":"Free cookies","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (holding my rolling pin): Gwumpa what's this thing? Me: It's a rolling pin. You can use that to make cookies. Grandboy: Or smack bad guys (gives a noisy demonstration) Me: Or do both. Grandboy (stops, thinks): O yah I can MAKE cookies, then GIVE them to the bad guys\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":961,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/06\/25\/nothing-but-the-tooth-so-help-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":1},"title":"Nothing but the tooth, so help me","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Gwumpa I have a loose tooth. LOOK Me: I see. (looks) Grandboy: The tooth fairy, she's gonna come and take the tooth when it comes out and put it in the WALL of the TOOTH CASTLE she lives in. Me: After it comes out and not before? Maybe she\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1047,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/01\/06\/screamolicious\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":2},"title":"SCREAMOlicious","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"January 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: WAAAAAGHWAAAAAGHWAAAAAYWUUGUGHUA Me: ! Grandboy: I BET YOU NEVER THOUGHT I COULD MAKE THAT NOISE DID YOU GWUMPA!?!!!? Me (dons headphones without plugging them into anything): Ah somehow I suspected you were capable of it. Oi and stop practicing it. No, really.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1255,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2019\/06\/29\/o-the-tears\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":3},"title":"O the tears","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 29, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (making a horrid noise while shouting about the outcome of a video game) Me: Oi boy, what's all that noise you're making? Shut that down NOW. Grandboy: AUGH THAT'S THE SOUND OF MY TEARS FALLING OUT OF ME","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1153,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/08\/17\/toughening-of-the-skin\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":4},"title":"Toughening of the skin","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"August 17, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: ...and her dad, he got stung by a WHOLE LOTTA yellow jackets and died. I don't know if she said he was allergic but it was A LOT. Me: O no. I'm sorry he died. Grandboy: Yah, and.. hey, wait. Do you REALLY MEAN that or are you like,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1000,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/10\/01\/know-thine-enemy\/","url_meta":{"origin":996,"position":5},"title":"Know thine enemy","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"October 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Too quiet in here. I can't eat. Me: Quiet is good. You can hear your enemies come when it's quiet. Grandboy: (through muffled bites of pancake): Who's our enemy, gwumpa? Me: Zombies. And people who would hurt us. (Opens the blinds) But looks like no zombies today. Grandboy: Zombies\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/996","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=996"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/996\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":997,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/996\/revisions\/997"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=996"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=996"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=996"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}