With this kid, even a whisper is deafening. Seriously, don’t ask him to tell you a secret.<\/p>\n
Loud and slobbery, like a goofy dog or a bad date<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
With this kid, even a whisper is deafening. Seriously, don’t ask him to tell you a secret. Loud and…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-99","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-1B","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1422,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/01\/11\/the-best-grandpa-ever\/","url_meta":{"origin":99,"position":0},"title":"The best grandpa EVER","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"January 11, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: \"...boss baby.\" Me: Would you like to be a boss baby? Grandboy: No. Me: Why not? Grandboy: Why do you always ask me things? AAUGH that's like me asking me your deepest darkest secret. Me: Ok. Grandboy: So... What IS your deepest darkest secret? Me: That I have a\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1469,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/10\/09\/what-do-we-want\/","url_meta":{"origin":99,"position":1},"title":"What do we want?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"October 9, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (playing a game): Do you know what I'm looking for? Me: Mmmm. A girl worth fighting for? Grandboy (scoffs): No grandp... actually, yes. Yes a girl worth fighting for. But right now I'm looking for secret loot. (We sing for a bit)","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/121261924_10157233092396249_5258505689484578733_o_10157233092391249.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/121261924_10157233092396249_5258505689484578733_o_10157233092391249.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/121261924_10157233092396249_5258505689484578733_o_10157233092391249.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/121261924_10157233092396249_5258505689484578733_o_10157233092391249.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1394,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2019\/08\/31\/dont-tell-me-what-to-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":99,"position":2},"title":"don’t tell me what to do","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"August 31, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (rapping): ...so don't tell me what to do don't tell me what to doif you tell me what to doI'll be so mad at you if you tell me what to doI'll tell your momma tooI'll tell your momma toodon't tell me what to do Me: What if it's\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1194,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/11\/25\/im-the-president\/","url_meta":{"origin":99,"position":3},"title":"I’M THE PRESIDENT","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 25, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (waving his hand in the air): I'M THE PRESIDENT. You must do what I SAY Me: No, actually we voted you into office. So you have to do what we ask you to do. Grandboy: Wait, what? The president doesn't have all the power? Me: All elected officials are\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":954,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/06\/06\/sturdy-trees-under-construction-here\/","url_meta":{"origin":99,"position":4},"title":"Sturdy trees under construction here","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 6, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Pointing is rude. Gwumpa, doing THIS (points his finger in my face) is bad. Me: Yes, it is. How did you learn that? Grandboy: At school. If you point like this (points to the wall, now that I've redirected his arm) and say, \"Na na na na na\" (wiggling\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1177,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/11\/03\/in-a-jiffy\/","url_meta":{"origin":99,"position":5},"title":"In a jiffy","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 3, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy just used the word \"jiffy\" to describe how quickly he plans to be somewhere. Next I'm waiting for him to tell me something is as cute as a button \ud83d\ude0a","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=99"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":100,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/99\/revisions\/100"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=99"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=99"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=99"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}