Told the grandboy that if he didn’t behave well on our outing, we’d go eat at Cow-fil-a.<\/p>\n
That’s where cows poke little boys with sticks and eat THEM, instead of the other way round. Seems to be working.<\/p>\n
Sometimes medieval approaches work moderately well…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Told the grandboy that if he didn’t behave well on our outing, we’d go eat at Cow-fil-a. That’s where…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-dg","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":554,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/07\/15\/breaking-bad-well-breaking-chairs-at-least\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":0},"title":"Breaking Bad. Well, breaking chairs, at least.","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 15, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Me, to the grandboy: \"Ok, let's leave the pup out of your room tonight. He needs to guard the rest of the house.\" Grandboy: \"Awwwwee gwumpa he needs to sleep in here with me.\" Me: \"No, you'll be fine. He'll keep bad guys from coming through the front or back\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":856,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/12\/10\/have-a-yellow\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":1},"title":"Have a yellow","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"December 10, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: ...but what about apple? Grandboy: No gwumpa, \"apple\" isn't a color Me: Why not? Grandboy: Because you EAT apples Me: But you can eat oranges and that's a color too. So why can't you eat apples and have a color \"apple\" too? Grandboy: Because that's for a REASON and\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":745,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/04\/17\/o-the-consequences-of-our-choices\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":2},"title":"O the consequences of our choices…","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 17, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (waiting for corndogs in the microwave, and frustrated, arms crossed): Hmph. Gwumpa YOU eating cereal and I'M not eating. Me: Yes, you said you wanted corndogs for breakfast. You have to wait for them to warm up. Grandboy: But I have to wait. (Stomps foot) That's not FAIR. Me:\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":281,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/04\/11\/swift-justice\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":3},"title":"Swift justice","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 11, 2015","format":"image","excerpt":"The grandboy decided all of his army men had defected and deserved a suitable punishment. So all of his toy cars were sent out to eat them. His mother blamed me for his frame of mind and style of justice.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/WP_20150411_21_21_17_Pro.jpg?fit=1200%2C818&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/WP_20150411_21_21_17_Pro.jpg?fit=1200%2C818&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/WP_20150411_21_21_17_Pro.jpg?fit=1200%2C818&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/WP_20150411_21_21_17_Pro.jpg?fit=1200%2C818&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/WP_20150411_21_21_17_Pro.jpg?fit=1200%2C818&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":718,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/12\/20\/whipped-cream-sandwiches\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":4},"title":"Whipped cream sandwiches","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"December 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Ok I may be a gwumpa but no, whipped cream sandwiches are definitely NOT on the breakfast menu. Even I have my limits. Now whipped cream on OATMEAL, now there's a meal I can sign off on.\u00a0 Eat up, boy.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":58,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2014\/11\/23\/gwumpa-rep-3-bonus\/","url_meta":{"origin":822,"position":5},"title":"Gwumpa rep: +3 bonus","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 23, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"YES! The phrase \"Gwampa don't eat my cars and don't sleep on them, ok? Ok?\" has just easily rolled off the grandboy's lips. I have worked very hard to establish my reputation here in the household :D","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=822"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":823,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/822\/revisions\/823"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=822"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=822"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=822"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}