{"id":706,"date":"2015-11-26T09:00:17","date_gmt":"2015-11-26T15:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/?p=706"},"modified":"2015-12-25T12:14:20","modified_gmt":"2015-12-25T18:14:20","slug":"dont-touch-that-dont-even-look-at-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/11\/26\/dont-touch-that-dont-even-look-at-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Don&#8217;t touch that. Don&#8217;t even look at it."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m teaching the grandboy life-savings skills today.<\/p>\n<p>Grandboy (holding something upside-down over his head): Lookit me! Look Gwumpa hey look look at me!)<\/p>\n<p>Me: AAAUGH quick put that down&#8230;! Don&#8217;t touch that. Don&#8217;t even look at it.<\/p>\n<p>Grandboy: What? That&#8217;s momma&#8217;s purse.<\/p>\n<p>Me: Yep if anything happens or anything is missing you don&#8217;t want to be part of that. Put it down to be safe.<\/p>\n<p>Grandboy: No, it&#8217;s ok. I be careful (shaking the purse that&#8217;s still upside-down over his head)<\/p>\n<p>Me: Boy, you gotta lotta learnin&#8217; to do&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I&#8217;m teaching the grandboy life-savings skills today. Grandboy (holding something upside-down over his head): Lookit me! Look Gwumpa hey&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-706","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-bo","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":887,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/11\/18\/bringin-home-the-bacon-woman\/","url_meta":{"origin":706,"position":0},"title":"Bringin&#8217; home the bacon, woman","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 18, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (pretending to carry a briefcase): Bye mom, I'm going to work now. Mamasan: Bye! Bring home the bacon. Grandboy (confused): No mom, I'm not going to the STORE. I'm going to WORK. Mamasan: O that's what you say when someone goes to work. \"Bring home the bacon\". Grandboy: OOH\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1418,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2019\/12\/14\/golly-stones\/","url_meta":{"origin":706,"position":1},"title":"Golly stones","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"December 14, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Grandpa, how did you get your golly stones? Me: My what? Grandboy: Your golly stones. You know, the ones that made you go to the hospital. Me: O you mean my gall stone. Grandboy: Yah your golly stones. How did you get them? Me: I don't know. I don't\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1462,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/09\/26\/irish-wristwatch\/","url_meta":{"origin":706,"position":2},"title":"Irish wristwatch","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: Say the word \"wristwatch\" Grandboy: Wristwatch. Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again Grandboy (repeats it) Me: Ok. Now say the word, \"Irish\" Grandboy: Irish. Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again Grandboy (repeats it) Me: Good. Grandboy: Why did you want me to say\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1422,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/01\/11\/the-best-grandpa-ever\/","url_meta":{"origin":706,"position":3},"title":"The best grandpa EVER","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"January 11, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: \"...boss baby.\" Me: Would you like to be a boss baby? Grandboy: No. Me: Why not? Grandboy: Why do you always ask me things? AAUGH that's like me asking me your deepest darkest secret. Me: Ok. Grandboy: So... What IS your deepest darkest secret? Me: That I have a\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1497,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2021\/01\/02\/annoying-parrot\/","url_meta":{"origin":706,"position":4},"title":"Annoying Parrot","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"January 2, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP Me: What are you doing? Grandboy: BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP BWAAAP Me (stares in Texan): ... Grandboy: I'm being an annoying parrot Me: You're doing a surprisingly good job. Grandboy: You're doing a surprisingly good job. Me: Huh? Grandboy: Huh? Me (catching on): I said nothing.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1196,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/12\/05\/hope-you-enjoy-it\/","url_meta":{"origin":706,"position":5},"title":"Hope it doesn&#8217;t hurt","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"December 5, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Grandpa, you'll live a long time.\u00a0 Me: I hope so. Grandboy: But when you DO die, it won't hurt, will it? Me: I don't know. Grandboy: WHAT?!? YOU DON'T KNOW IF IT'LL HURT???!!? Me: Yep. Depends on how it happens. I might get in a car crash. Or just\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/706","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=706"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/706\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":707,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/706\/revisions\/707"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=706"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=706"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=706"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}