When Screamo and pre-school meet:<\/p>\n
(In a very gravelly, deep voice, almost chant-like, and fist-pumping on every other syllable, starting with the first one)<\/p>\n
“NOW I KNOW MY A-BCs<\/p>\n
NEXT TIME WON’T YOU SING, WITHME<\/p>\n
TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR<\/p>\n
RAAAAUGH I WONDER WHAT TO EAT”<\/p>\n
Inside voice, boy, inside voice… and I’m making pasta.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
When Screamo and pre-school meet: (In a very gravelly, deep voice, almost chant-like, and fist-pumping on every other syllable,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-bb","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":996,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/09\/30\/hello-is-it-me-youre-looking-for\/","url_meta":{"origin":693,"position":0},"title":"HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR…?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound) Me: OI HEY OI STOP THAT Grandboy: I can't help it Gwumpa Me: How 'bout, instead of screaming, you sing something. I'd like that better. So would everyone else. Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa (later) Grandboy (singing, screechily) HELLO! IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR...? ----\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":317,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2014\/05\/08\/inside-voice-please\/","url_meta":{"origin":693,"position":1},"title":"INSIDE VOICE PLEASE","author":"admin","date":"May 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I asked the littleun to use his \"inside voice\". And he did. Apparently he thought he was inside a lumber mill :-P","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1322,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2014\/05\/08\/hush-now\/","url_meta":{"origin":693,"position":2},"title":"Hush now","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 8, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"I asked the littleun to use his \"inside voice\". And he did. Apparently he thought he was inside a lumber mill :-P","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1430,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/02\/09\/changing-my-aunts-diapers-ewww\/","url_meta":{"origin":693,"position":3},"title":"Changing my aunt’s diapers? Ewww","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"February 9, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (waving his hands over one of my contact juggling balls): Grandpaaaaa I'm reeeadinnnng yourrrr fortuuuuuune... Me: Oh that's nice. Is it good fortune? Grandboy (same voice): In fifteen years... you'll meet the love of your life. And you'll have babies. A boy and a girl. Me: Huh. That would\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1248,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2019\/06\/11\/ears-to-you-ol-chum\/","url_meta":{"origin":693,"position":4},"title":"Ears to you, ol’ chum","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 11, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (disembodied voice): HEY GRANDPA you can't find me Me (resisting the temptation to say, \"because I'm not looking\"): Are you under the table? Grandboy (giggling): No Me: Are you... (we go through a series of places where he's not) Grandboy: C'mon, grandpa, you have to actually GUESS. Me: Are\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":591,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/08\/22\/lion-in-wait\/","url_meta":{"origin":693,"position":5},"title":"Lion in wait","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"August 22, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The sunlight pokes its fingers through the blinds as the grandboy tigger-bounces into the bedroom. \"GWUMPA gwumpa wot you doin? Wot you doing gwumpa?\" \"Sleeping.\" \"WHY?\u00a0 The sun is up time to get up.\u00a0 Wot you doing gwumpa?\" \"Lying in bed, boy, lying in bed.\" \"A LION?!?!?\" he misunderstands on\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/494116702_b748bcae2e_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C768&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/494116702_b748bcae2e_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C768&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/494116702_b748bcae2e_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C768&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/494116702_b748bcae2e_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C768&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/693","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=693"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/693\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":694,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/693\/revisions\/694"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=693"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=693"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=693"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}