{"id":531,"date":"2015-06-21T20:19:50","date_gmt":"2015-06-22T01:19:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/?p=531"},"modified":"2015-06-28T11:08:29","modified_gmt":"2015-06-28T16:08:29","slug":"vandalocks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/06\/21\/vandalocks\/","title":{"rendered":"Vandalocks"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

I have officially got placed on warning by the mamasan for my rendition of Goldilocks and The Three Bears.<\/p>\n

But in my defense, I mean, come on. One can’t be breaking and entering a house of bears, busting up furniture, fouling and consuming food in the house and NOT get eaten when the rightful owners find one passed out in the child’s bedroom.<\/p>\n

\n

Photo credit: Some rights reserved<\/a> by Daniel Rocal<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have officially got placed on warning by the mamasan for my rendition of Goldilocks and The Three Bears.…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":532,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-531","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/4362611625_674206a891_o1.jpg?fit=1200%2C900&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-8z","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":710,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/11\/30\/cease-and-desist-gwumpa\/","url_meta":{"origin":531,"position":0},"title":"Cease and desist, Gwumpa","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 30, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I have been given a \"cease and desist\" order by mamasan when I told the grandboy that I'd sic Goldilocks's bears on Santa if I caught him sneaking around my house (it's bad enough with the 24\/7 surveillance routine). The order was given with THAT LOOK and a comment that\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":858,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/12\/31\/shoot\/","url_meta":{"origin":531,"position":1},"title":"Shoot","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"December 31, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Gwumpa hey I like your 'vention. Does it shoot lasers? Like a BLUE laser or a RED laser? Me: Nope, no lasers. Grandboy: How 'bout bullets? Me: Nope, it doesn't shoot bullets. Grandboy: Well then what DOES it shoot? Me: Rabbits and squirrels and deer. Maybe bears if they\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":291,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2014\/02\/10\/no-throwing-the-ball-in-the-house\/","url_meta":{"origin":531,"position":2},"title":"NO THROWING THE BALL IN THE HOUSE","author":"admin","date":"February 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"NO THROWING THE BALL IN THE HOUSE Unless of course you are grandpa, throwing the ball against the wall and pinging some grandchild with it Repeatedly","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1041,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/11\/26\/some-light-reading\/","url_meta":{"origin":531,"position":3},"title":"Some light reading","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 26, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (playing a video game): Look, my guy is in a lighthouse. Me: That's pretty cool, having a house you can pick up. Grandboy: Huh? Me: Because your house is very light. It's a LIGHT house. Grandboy: O no grandpa, it's a house that MAKES light. It's too heavy to\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1145,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/07\/21\/prayer-time\/","url_meta":{"origin":531,"position":4},"title":"Prayer time","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 21, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy is upset at prayer time. I was firm on the, \"no, you can't have a slice of pizza now\" position: Me: Ok, you don't want to thank God for anything today. That's ok. Is there anything you'd like to ask Him for help with? Grandboy: Well, that mama stays\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":423,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/05\/09\/spiderboy\/","url_meta":{"origin":531,"position":5},"title":"Spiderboy","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 9, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"A breathless grandboy came running up to me, wiping his face. \"GWUMPA gwumpa hey gwumpa look hey gwumpa gwumpa AAGH hey\" \"Hm. What's the problem?\" \"Gwumpa i ran into spider web. Spider web on my face. \u00a0Look see see look spider web on my face! \u00a0Spider web.\" [looking] \"I don't\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/2814755278_bba0d32ebb_o1.jpg?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/2814755278_bba0d32ebb_o1.jpg?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/2814755278_bba0d32ebb_o1.jpg?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/2814755278_bba0d32ebb_o1.jpg?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=531"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":533,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/531\/revisions\/533"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/532"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=531"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=531"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=531"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}