{"id":423,"date":"2015-05-09T09:46:27","date_gmt":"2015-05-09T14:46:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/?p=423"},"modified":"2015-05-16T10:41:26","modified_gmt":"2015-05-16T15:41:26","slug":"spiderboy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/05\/09\/spiderboy\/","title":{"rendered":"Spiderboy"},"content":{"rendered":"

A breathless grandboy came running up to me, wiping his face.<\/p>\n

“GWUMPA gwumpa hey gwumpa look hey gwumpa gwumpa AAGH hey”<\/p>\n

“Hm. What’s the problem?”<\/p>\n

“Gwumpa i ran into spider web. Spider web on my face. \u00a0Look see see look spider web on my face! \u00a0Spider web.”<\/p>\n

[looking] “I don’t see it. \u00a0I think you got it all off.”<\/p>\n

“I don’t like spiders. \u00a0Gwumpa go kill it.”<\/p>\n

“No he’s fine. \u00a0He was outside. \u00a0You walked into HIS house. \u00a0He should be mad at\u00a0YOU.”<\/p>\n

[he doesn’t buy the argument, crosses his arms] “Hmph. \u00a0Don’t like spiders”<\/p>\n

“Spiders outside are good. \u00a0They eat mosquitoes and bugs and stuff. \u00a0Just watch where you are walking and you both will be ok.”<\/p>\n

“Ok but he don’t come into MY house gwumpa”<\/p>\n

“Good plan, sir. \u00a0I like that.”<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

photo credit:\u00a0https:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/olibac\/<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A breathless grandboy came running up to me, wiping his face. “GWUMPA gwumpa hey gwumpa look hey gwumpa gwumpa…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":424,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-423","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/05\/2814755278_bba0d32ebb_o1.jpg?fit=800%2C800&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-6P","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":333,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2013\/09\/29\/spidurrrr\/","url_meta":{"origin":423,"position":0},"title":"Spidurrrr","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 29, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Teaching the littleun about yardwork and coffee breaks. And spiders. \"Spidurrrr!!\" cries he. \"Spider? Oh yah, that's a spider.\" \"Spidurrrr!!\", he repeats, still unsure of the situation. \"It's ok. It won't get you.\" \"Won't get youuuu?\" \"No, unless it's a jumpy spider.\" \"Ohhhhh\" \"Let's see... what kind IS it? Hmmm.\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1065,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/03\/06\/gwumpa-is-always-shouting\/","url_meta":{"origin":423,"position":1},"title":"Gwumpa is always shouting","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"March 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: O hey please stop touching the walls. I just had them painted. Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa. Me: Ok stop touching the walls. Your hands are greasy and I'm trying to keep the new paint clean. Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa, sorry. Me: No, really, STOP TOUCHING THE WALLS when you walk past\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1004,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/10\/18\/driving-at-a-snails-pace\/","url_meta":{"origin":423,"position":2},"title":"Driving at a snail’s pace","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"October 18, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (spots something outside the back truck window): Hey gwumpa there's a snail holding onto your window. Me (looks back): Ayep, sure is. Grandboy: He sure likes it back there. Me (driving): Ayep. Grandboy: Because you're a safe driver. Huh, gwumpa? He feels SAFE with you driving us around. Me:\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1083,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/05\/05\/mega-stomp-panic\/","url_meta":{"origin":423,"position":3},"title":"Mega Stomp Panic","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 5, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Gwumpa that's cool. I wanna try. Me: Ok, wait a minute. Grandboy: Hey that's like a giant robot. I wanna try, Gwumpa Me: Watch what happens when I JUMP Grandboy: AAAUGH that's COOL GWUMPA I WANNA TRY PLEASE --- Thanks Thinkgeek.com. Now he will get exercise for hours, and\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/img.youtube.com\/vi\/osi5EKRC0Eg\/0.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1089,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/05\/19\/its-nighttime\/","url_meta":{"origin":423,"position":4},"title":"It’s NIGHTTIME","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Hey Gwumpa whatcha doin'? Me: Resting my head in the table. Grandboy: Why? Me: I'm just a little tired, that's all Grandboy (sounding like his mamasan): GWUMPA you need to REST. Your body needs REST. Go back to bed. Me: ... Grandboy: Hey Gwumpa, I can't believe I'm saying\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":86,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/04\/11\/kids-these-days\/","url_meta":{"origin":423,"position":5},"title":"Kids these days","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 11, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"I'm reading to the grandboy before his nap. He picks up a toy mobile phone and starts talking: \"Ok hold on; I'm reading a story with gwumpa, I'll call you back later.\" I suppress a giggle and continue to read.\u00a0 He starts pushing buttons on the phone. \"Hey,\" I stop,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=423"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":446,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/423\/revisions\/446"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/424"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}