Grandboy: AAAUGH!!!<\/p>\n
Me: What are you doing?!<\/p>\n
Grandboy: This rolling pin landed on my back.<\/p>\n
Me: Boy, I’ve never seen a rolling pin involved in so much activity in one weekend. I need to put that thing up.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: It’s ok, it’s not the rolling pin’s fault. It was GRAVITY.<\/p>\n
Me: Well you know what I’m not allowing here on your next visit. GRAVITY. That’s causing a lot of problems.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grandboy: AAAUGH!!! Me: What are you doing?! Grandboy: This rolling pin landed on my back. Me: Boy, I’ve never…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/s62ahB-pinned","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1079,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/why-are-you-licking-the-rolling-pin\/","url_meta":{"origin":1081,"position":0},"title":"Why are you licking the rolling pin?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (carefully flattening his cold piece of pizza with a rolling pin) Me: Why are you smashing your pizza with a rolling pin? Don't goof around. Eat your pizza. Grandboy (licks the rolling pin): I AM GWUMPA. Look at me eating it. It's yummy Me: Who gave you this thing,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1077,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/free-cookies\/","url_meta":{"origin":1081,"position":1},"title":"Free cookies","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (holding my rolling pin): Gwumpa what's this thing? Me: It's a rolling pin. You can use that to make cookies. Grandboy: Or smack bad guys (gives a noisy demonstration) Me: Or do both. Grandboy (stops, thinks): O yah I can MAKE cookies, then GIVE them to the bad guys\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1041,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/11\/26\/some-light-reading\/","url_meta":{"origin":1081,"position":2},"title":"Some light reading","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"November 26, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (playing a video game): Look, my guy is in a lighthouse. Me: That's pretty cool, having a house you can pick up. Grandboy: Huh? Me: Because your house is very light. It's a LIGHT house. Grandboy: O no grandpa, it's a house that MAKES light. It's too heavy to\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":796,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/07\/24\/a-rose-by-any-other-name\/","url_meta":{"origin":1081,"position":3},"title":"A rose, by any other name…","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 24, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (shouting excitedly): Gwumpa hey momma's taking us to the NEWSEUM now!!! Me: Newseum? Grandboy: Yah the NEWSEUM where they have dinosaur BONES and all the FOSSILS and all kinda old things Me: Well then why is it called a NEWseum if it has old things? Shouldn't it be called\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1095,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/06\/01\/what-did-you-say-boy\/","url_meta":{"origin":1081,"position":4},"title":"WHAT did you say, boy?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 1, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (playing a video game): What is that FLIPPIN' zombie doing?!?! Me (in a dangerous rumbly voice): WHAT did you say, boy? Grandboy (realising the gravity of the situation): Oh, no Gwumpa I mean it's really flipping over and over like cartwheels but forward, look Gwumpa look at the screen...","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1462,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/09\/26\/irish-wristwatch\/","url_meta":{"origin":1081,"position":5},"title":"Irish wristwatch","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 26, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: Say the word \"wristwatch\" Grandboy: Wristwatch. Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again Grandboy (repeats it) Me: Ok. Now say the word, \"Irish\" Grandboy: Irish. Me: Ok, say it a couple of times again Grandboy (repeats it) Me: Good. Grandboy: Why did you want me to say\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1081","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1081"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1081\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1082,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1081\/revisions\/1082"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1081"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1081"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1081"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}