Grandboy (carefully flattening his cold piece of pizza with a rolling pin)<\/p>\n
Me: Why are you smashing your pizza with a rolling pin? Don’t goof around. Eat your pizza.<\/p>\n
Grandboy (licks the rolling pin): I AM GWUMPA. Look at me eating it. It’s yummy<\/p>\n
Me: Who gave you this thing, anyway?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grandboy (carefully flattening his cold piece of pizza with a rolling pin) Me: Why are you smashing your pizza…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-hp","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1081,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/pinned\/","url_meta":{"origin":1079,"position":0},"title":"Pinned","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: AAAUGH!!! Me: What are you doing?! Grandboy: This rolling pin landed on my back. Me: Boy, I've never seen a rolling pin involved in so much activity in one weekend. I need to put that thing up. Grandboy: It's ok, it's not the rolling pin's fault. It was GRAVITY.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1077,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/free-cookies\/","url_meta":{"origin":1079,"position":1},"title":"Free cookies","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (holding my rolling pin): Gwumpa what's this thing? Me: It's a rolling pin. You can use that to make cookies. Grandboy: Or smack bad guys (gives a noisy demonstration) Me: Or do both. Grandboy (stops, thinks): O yah I can MAKE cookies, then GIVE them to the bad guys\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":992,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/09\/29\/pizza-in-my-hair\/","url_meta":{"origin":1079,"position":2},"title":"Pizza in my hair","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 29, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: O man why my pizza keep falling off my plate? Me: Because you keep dropping it. Grandboy: That means I need a bigger plate. Me: Nice try, boy. Just be more careful :) Grandboy (making a face, sticks out his tongue): Uh there's pizza in my hair. Me: How'd\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1155,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/08\/18\/pizza-hugs\/","url_meta":{"origin":1079,"position":3},"title":"Pizza hugs","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"August 18, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (playing a video game): Gwumpa, can you get me some pizza? Me: No, boy, you're big enough. Take a break and go get your own piece of pizza\u00a0 Grandboy: Awwww PLEEEEASE Me: Nope. Go get it. ... Grandboy: Gwumpa can you get (looks at my raised eyebrow)... me a\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1443,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2020\/07\/14\/teaching-the-boy-to-fish-cut-pizza-actually\/","url_meta":{"origin":1079,"position":4},"title":"Teaching the boy to fish. Cut pizza, actually","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 14, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: O wow that's tricky. Me: That's ok, keep trying. Grandboy: Ummm I don't think it's supposed to roll up like that (uses fingers to push it back down) Me: Try pressing harder as you push the blade Grandboy: It's not sharp (rolls blade on his arm) Me: That's ok.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":925,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/03\/12\/pizza-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":1079,"position":5},"title":"Pizza me","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"March 12, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy\u200b: Can I have pizza? Me: A piece of? A piece of what? Grandboy (waves his arms menacingly): A piece of ME --- Oy he's going to be a punny little handful","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1079"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1080,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079\/revisions\/1080"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1079"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1079"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1079"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}