Grandboy (holding my rolling pin): Gwumpa what’s this thing?<\/p>\n
Me: It’s a rolling pin. You can use that to make cookies.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: Or smack bad guys (gives a noisy demonstration)<\/p>\n
Me: Or do both.<\/p>\n
Grandboy (stops, thinks): O yah I can MAKE cookies, then GIVE them to the bad guys so they’ll be too busy to be bad.<\/p>\n
Me: There you go.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: And THEN I smack them while they’re eating.<\/p>\n
Me: Oi boy. You’re not getting my vote as police chief.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grandboy (holding my rolling pin): Gwumpa what’s this thing? Me: It’s a rolling pin. You can use that to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1077","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-hn","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1081,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/pinned\/","url_meta":{"origin":1077,"position":0},"title":"Pinned","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: AAAUGH!!! Me: What are you doing?! Grandboy: This rolling pin landed on my back. Me: Boy, I've never seen a rolling pin involved in so much activity in one weekend. I need to put that thing up. Grandboy: It's ok, it's not the rolling pin's fault. It was GRAVITY.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1079,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/04\/28\/why-are-you-licking-the-rolling-pin\/","url_meta":{"origin":1077,"position":1},"title":"Why are you licking the rolling pin?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"April 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (carefully flattening his cold piece of pizza with a rolling pin) Me: Why are you smashing your pizza with a rolling pin? Don't goof around. Eat your pizza. Grandboy (licks the rolling pin): I AM GWUMPA. Look at me eating it. It's yummy Me: Who gave you this thing,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":554,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/07\/15\/breaking-bad-well-breaking-chairs-at-least\/","url_meta":{"origin":1077,"position":2},"title":"Breaking Bad. Well, breaking chairs, at least.","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 15, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Me, to the grandboy: \"Ok, let's leave the pup out of your room tonight. He needs to guard the rest of the house.\" Grandboy: \"Awwwwee gwumpa he needs to sleep in here with me.\" Me: \"No, you'll be fine. He'll keep bad guys from coming through the front or back\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/7215827840_047d4efaca_b1.jpg?fit=600%2C1024&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1257,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2019\/07\/13\/from-the-good-guys-lair\/","url_meta":{"origin":1077,"position":3},"title":"From the good guys’ lair","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 13, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: ... and then the bad guy comes out of his lair and attacks the people. Me: And the good guys? Grandboy: They come out of THEIR place... Me: Their lair? Grandboy: YAH. The good guy lair. Me: I'm not sure good guys have lairs. Grandboy: OF COURSE THEY DO\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1406,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2019\/09\/22\/ow-my-spirit\/","url_meta":{"origin":1077,"position":4},"title":"Ow my spirit","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 22, 2019","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (frustrated with weeding and smacks the weeding tool on the ground): Aaagh Me: Please don't smack the tool on the ground. You'll break the tool. Grandboy: BUT YOU'RE BREAKING MY SPIRIT Me: Ah I see.","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":534,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/07\/03\/superman-and-the-magical-dolphin\/","url_meta":{"origin":1077,"position":5},"title":"Superman and the magical dolphin","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 3, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (holding up some legos pressed together): What is this? Me: Ummm, ah. It's a magical dolphin. Grandboy: NO gwumpa it's a piece. For a CAR. Me: Ok. Grandboy (holding the Piece. For a CAR up again): Gwumpa what is this? Me: Ummm, ah. It's a magical dolphin. Grandboy (distraught)\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/2563464746_0b61c03e95_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C677&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/2563464746_0b61c03e95_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C677&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/2563464746_0b61c03e95_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C677&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/07\/2563464746_0b61c03e95_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C677&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1077"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1078,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1077\/revisions\/1078"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1077"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1077"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1077"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}