Me: O hey please stop touching the walls. I just had them painted.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa.<\/p>\n
Me: Ok stop touching the walls. Your hands are greasy and I’m trying to keep the new paint clean.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa, sorry.<\/p>\n
Me: No, really, STOP TOUCHING THE WALLS when you walk past them.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa.<\/p>\n
Me: PLEASE STOP! TOUCHING! THE! WALLS NOW!!<\/p>\n
Grandboy: AAAUGH GWUMPA WHY YOU GOTTA SHOUT?!? YOU’RE BEING RUDE! JUST ASK NICELY NEXT TIME OK?!?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Me: O hey please stop touching the walls. I just had them painted. Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa. Me: Ok stop…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-hb","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":961,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/06\/25\/nothing-but-the-tooth-so-help-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":1065,"position":0},"title":"Nothing but the tooth, so help me","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"June 25, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Gwumpa I have a loose tooth. LOOK Me: I see. (looks) Grandboy: The tooth fairy, she's gonna come and take the tooth when it comes out and put it in the WALL of the TOOTH CASTLE she lives in. Me: After it comes out and not before? Maybe she\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1000,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/10\/01\/know-thine-enemy\/","url_meta":{"origin":1065,"position":1},"title":"Know thine enemy","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"October 1, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Too quiet in here. I can't eat. Me: Quiet is good. You can hear your enemies come when it's quiet. Grandboy: (through muffled bites of pancake): Who's our enemy, gwumpa? Me: Zombies. And people who would hurt us. (Opens the blinds) But looks like no zombies today. Grandboy: Zombies\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":413,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/05\/03\/too-early-in-the-morning-for-behaviour-analysis\/","url_meta":{"origin":1065,"position":2},"title":"Too early in the morning for behaviour analysis","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 3, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"The grandboy's taken the 'why\" question out into psychology realm now. Grandboy: \"GWUMPA gwumpa i'm thirsty gwumpa I'm thirsty. \u00a0May I have some water please?\" Me: \"Ok sure [I hold two cups out] which one would you like, the red cup or the blue cup?\" Grandboy: \"The RED one gwumpa,\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":996,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/09\/30\/hello-is-it-me-youre-looking-for\/","url_meta":{"origin":1065,"position":3},"title":"HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR…?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound) Me: OI HEY OI STOP THAT Grandboy: I can't help it Gwumpa Me: How 'bout, instead of screaming, you sing something. I'd like that better. So would everyone else. Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa (later) Grandboy (singing, screechily) HELLO! IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR...? ----\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1067,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/03\/17\/extra-helping-of-guilt\/","url_meta":{"origin":1065,"position":4},"title":"Extra helping of guilt","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"March 17, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: Ok, I've ordered the food. It'll be here soon. Grandboy: Awww I'm hungry NOW. Make me some Gwumpa Oatmeal...! Me: No, food's on the way. Just wait please. Grandboy: HUNGRY NOW I want food. Oatmeal, pleeeeese gwumpa? Gwumpaaaa..... (this goes on for a while) Me (angrily calculating): Ok. Fine.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":554,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/07\/15\/breaking-bad-well-breaking-chairs-at-least\/","url_meta":{"origin":1065,"position":5},"title":"Breaking Bad. Well, breaking chairs, at least.","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 15, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Me, to the grandboy: \"Ok, let's leave the pup out of your room tonight. He needs to guard the rest of the house.\" Grandboy: \"Awwwwee gwumpa he needs to sleep in here with me.\" Me: \"No, you'll be fine. 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