Grandboy (holding toy that’s been in a box for years now): Gwumpa I’m old enough NOWWWW to play with this?<\/p>\n
Me: Not yet. Let’s see how you behave for a while yet.<\/p>\n
Grandboy: Awwww you ALWAYS say that Gwumpa. (Brilliance ensues) How ’bout when I’m 8 years old? Can I open it when I’m 8?<\/p>\n
Me (counter brilliance ensues): How ’bout we wait til you’re 8, and then I can answer the question?<\/p>\n
Grandboy: YESSSS! I GET AN ANSWER WHEN I’M 8<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grandboy (holding toy that’s been in a box for years now): Gwumpa I’m old enough NOWWWW to play with…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1057","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p62ahB-h3","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":996,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2017\/09\/30\/hello-is-it-me-youre-looking-for\/","url_meta":{"origin":1057,"position":0},"title":"HELLO! IS IT ME YOU’RE LOOKING FOR…?","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"September 30, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (making a sustained screeching sound) Me: OI HEY OI STOP THAT Grandboy: I can't help it Gwumpa Me: How 'bout, instead of screaming, you sing something. I'd like that better. So would everyone else. Grandboy: Ok Gwumpa (later) Grandboy (singing, screechily) HELLO! IS IT ME YOU'RE LOOKING FOR...? ----\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":858,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/12\/31\/shoot\/","url_meta":{"origin":1057,"position":1},"title":"Shoot","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"December 31, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: Gwumpa hey I like your 'vention. Does it shoot lasers? Like a BLUE laser or a RED laser? Me: Nope, no lasers. Grandboy: How 'bout bullets? Me: Nope, it doesn't shoot bullets. Grandboy: Well then what DOES it shoot? Me: Rabbits and squirrels and deer. Maybe bears if they\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1167,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2018\/10\/13\/never-question-me\/","url_meta":{"origin":1057,"position":2},"title":"Never question me","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"October 13, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy: There's something you need to know about me: NEVER question me. Me: Hm... and why not? Grandboy: Grannnnnddddppppaaaaa. You are QUESTIONING ME. Me: Am I? Grandboy: And do you know what happens to people who question me? We fight to the death. Me: How 'bout a hug instead? Grandboy:\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":563,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/07\/19\/special-tuesdays\/","url_meta":{"origin":1057,"position":3},"title":"Special Tuesdays","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"July 19, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: Your room is a mess. Grandboy: I know, gwumpa. I clean it someday. Me: Today is a good day. You should clean your room today. Grandboy: Wellllll,... (excitedly) how 'bout Tuesday? Yes I clean it on Tuesday! Me: ... Grandboy: What today is? Me: If you're cleaning your room\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/18672949389_8e84397d3f_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/18672949389_8e84397d3f_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/18672949389_8e84397d3f_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/18672949389_8e84397d3f_b1.jpg?fit=1024%2C576&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":673,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2015\/10\/18\/drive-by-hugs\/","url_meta":{"origin":1057,"position":4},"title":"Drive-by hugs","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"October 18, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy, shouting imperiously, \"GWUMPA!!\" Me, wondering what I'd done, \"Yessir? What's up?\" Grandboy, in the same tone, and running from one room, past me and then outside, \"ILOVEYOU! GWUMPA I LOVE YOU!\" So far nothing has come chasing him from the other room, so I imagine that was just a\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":743,"url":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/2016\/05\/29\/good-vs-ebil\/","url_meta":{"origin":1057,"position":5},"title":"Good vs Ebil","author":"Gwumpa Stories","date":"May 29, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Grandboy (shaking the bars of a gate): Hey Gwumpa let's pretend we're the bad guys and have to break our way out... Me: How bout this? Let's pretend we're the good guys and the bad guys trapped us in a cage. They are making us dependent on their federal aid.\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","block_context":{"text":"Similar post","link":""},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1057","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1057"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1057\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1058,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1057\/revisions\/1058"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1057"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1057"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.monkeyinfinitum.com\/gwumpastories\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1057"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}